The Best Man Ever

Ok, if you know anything about me, you know that I've not exactly had a normal life when it comes to relationships. I'm 29 years old, I have two kids, and I have been married 3 times. Yes, 3. Growing up, my dad and I had a strained relationship, and I felt the need to get out of the house early, at around 17. Our constant fighting was just too much strain on the rest of the family, and I didn't want to be the cause of that. So, I left. We get along much better not living under the same roof, and I love him more than anything, but we of course still have our differences and grudges from over the years. I think my problem with love and men has stemmed from this. At 17 after I moved out I met a man 12 years my senior. Feeling lost and alone, he of course took care of me and made me feel safe, he was the first person I ever thought I was in love with. At 19 we got married, even though knowing in my head he wouldn't be there the rest of my life. I guess you could say I really thought I had no other choice at the time. He ended up being very controlling and pretty much tried to be my father. At 21 I realized I could fend for myself and divorced him. Right after that, not used to being alone, I met a man only 2 years older than me and was not controlling at all. In fact, he let me do everything, so the tables had turned. I felt comfortable with this, as I had told myself I would never let anyone treat me the way my first husband had again. We were young, and partied ALOT. A year and half later, we got married, and after returning from our honeymoon I found out I was pregnant. So I of course had to sober up and stop partying, but he didn't. He was not a good provider at all, and it was still left up to me, even being pregnant, to provide for us. He was given many opportunities to make money, but never took advantage of them. So, when our daughter was 11 months old, we divorced. So now I'm telling myself I need someone a little older, makes good money, and will not be controlling. I'm feeling like a failure at love and listening to all of this advice my family is giving me in what they think I need also. So I met my third husband who made very good money working for the railroad. He was very responsible, kind, loving, and mature. However, I was not attracted to him at all. In fact he asked 3 times for a date before I accepted. I told myself, hey, looks aren't everything. He was usually gone 5 days a week on the road, only home on weekends, so it was very convenient. I kind of felt numb at this stage in my life and just felt like I was just doing what I had to do to survive. I ended up pregnant very early, 6 months into it, and we married at 10 months into it. Of course it didn't work, and we divorced when my second daughter was a little over 2. So I have spent the last year and a half thinking about who I am, what I want and what I need from a realationship, and I have finally found it. This time I am sure, and have no doubts whatsoever about Sonny. He is responsible, kind, loving, attentive, handsome, caring, and selfless. He's not only a good man to me, but he's a good man to everyone around him, and that's what I love most. It's a two way street with us, and things are equal, yet I know that if it came down to it, he would always do anything for our family that needed to be done. We are taking things slower than I have in the past, and I'm ok with that. I don't feel the need to rush like I did before, because I know he will always be there. He makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world, and I know he loves my children like they were his own. The funny thing is, he's 5 years younger than me, but sometimes I forget that, because he doesn't act it or show it at all. He is amazing, and I love this feeling of contentment, and knowing I have my soulmate.