Older Blog

This is an older blog I found from back in December, but I thought it would go nicely with what this assignment require, plus make up for being blank yesterday....so I'll post another later today for today's blog. LOL

Wow, ok so if y'all know me you know my life is typically kinda like a tornado, whisking me up in it and then dropping me back to earth, (and not very gently), but recently I have decided to make some big changes in my life. I sat down one night and said, look...look at the things that are upsetting you, or making you sad, or just plain stressing you out and GET RID OF THEM! Of course there's the normal things of everyday life...bills...work...money...kids (mostly they're amazing btw) those things you can't really change. But I had alot of outside factors I was choosing to keep in my life when I realized I had the choice to let them go and start over with new things that would make me happy. Well I did all that, which included letting some people go, and hurting a couple in the process, which was one of the hardest things for me to do, it also included quitting my job, spur of the moment, which forced me as a mother to ask: "now what are ya gonna do?" So, I decided in a fury of changes to go for it finally and go to school. So I am in the process of getting enrolled in OTC (last second as always) and thinking about Physical Therapy. I will get that fulfillment I need and have inside of me to help others, and have good hours for my family, plus make good money! I'm so excited and it seems ever since I made the hardest decisions, nothing but good ones have come my way. Well peeps...I'M TURNIN A NEW LEAF!!!! Join me for the ride cuz it's gonna be amazing and I love you all and want to share it with you! xoxoxo

Ahhhhh!

I don't really know what i'm going to say here, I just know I need to get it out. What a difference a couple days can make. I have been so positive, and looking forward, and feeling strong w/controlling my life, but now once again it seems life is happening to me with no control over it, no matter how pure my intentions and actions are. I may be forced to give up my best friend in the whole world....the only friend who has really ever stuck by me and completes the other half of my brain when I don't know what I'm thinking. She always knows what to say, or has an insight to a situation that I'm unsure of. It's like she knows what I'm thinking or feeling before I do. Because of an outside situation that has absolutely nothing to do with us getting along, it's causing her problems in her life that I refuse to be the cause of. It's kind of a funny thing, I was raised that family always comes first, but what if that family is being unreasonable, dense, hateful, childish and just disrespectful period? We love each other like sisters, and she has been forced to defend me against her family over lies and assumptions that are completely untrue. Thus of course causing a family feud. I do not want to be the cause of Nina's pain in dealing with her family this way, but on the other hand, why should we have to give each other up because they can't be adults? I tell myself the easiest thing for her is to just remove myself from the situation, maybe I was only meant to have her in my life for this portion, and now it has to end for her life to move forward....I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything! It's not fair to meet one or two people that you feel you are connected with in ways you never have been before and then POOF! Sorry, just not the right time, or here's a teaser, get to love this person and then I'm taking them away...I don't get it. How does that do us any good? I mean I know I will always have learned something and gained something from knowing these people, but why does that growth have to stop? Why does it have to end? I'm so tired and worn out from pain and then happiness and then pain...why can't I just keep that happiness when I have done absolutely nothing at all to end it? It's not by my choice that I want these relationships to end, I want them to stay just the way they are, and continue to grow and learn. I just love everyone so much, and it seems like every person I love is being taken away from me. Maybe not right now immediately this second, but I can feel it coming...slowly but surely. and I don't know what to do. Do I fight it? Do I fight to keep these people in my life? Or do I just let it happen and deal with the pain? Ahhh! I could just scream at the top of my lungs!

When You Least Expect It

Sometimes, I found in life, things happen the way you THINK you want them to and things start happening that all seem too perfect. Then somewhere along the way something else happens that makes you think twice and confuses everything you thought was right before. You may keep telling yourself to just stay the course and what's been presented in front of you is the way it's supposed to be. I've tried to be logical, tried following my heart, held back from things for fear of being crushed, and dreamed of things that were just not meant for me right now. Things that feel right sometimes from the first second can be the scariest ones, so you run. You run as fast and hard as you can because it's something so special that if it were to fail, it just may be then end of a large part of who you are. There comes a point where you just have to relent...you have to take that chance and quit beating around the bush, otherwise you may just lose the chance at something that could be the greatest thing of all. I'm done being scared...I'm going for what I want and for what I feel in my soul. True, it may not be perfect at first, and need a little love and support, but that's what falling in love is all about right? Helping each other with your flaws. Growing and learning together and becoming the people we are supposed to be in the end of the novel. Each story has it's end, but in life that's just the beginning of another. Nobody wants be alone, and everybody wants to feel loved, needed and wanted in some way shape or form, the human touch is the most powerful thing there is, and companionship is a must. Whether its just your best friend, family member, boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend, whoever it may be in your life, you need it. I'm not about to turn it away and not take the chance anymore. Recently, I'm finding that alot of people from my past are realizing this..."Wow, Kim, If I had realized what a woman you'd grow into..." or " Sorry for what I did back then, I made the biggest mistake of my life, wish I could go back..." Which is all fine and dandy, and makes me feel flattered. I don't think I'm anything different than what I was years ago, I'm still the same person, just a little older. My point is that I have learned to appreciate the people who see me NOW, and in this moment and from the first second they meet me. I can't look back any longer and I'm looking forward to new beginnings. If any of you reading this know my history, I know you probably are thinking...uh oh, she thinks she's in love again...well, maybe I am and maybe I'm not. But those of you reading this also should know me well enough to know that I love everyone in some way shape or form, and the one and only thing I have ever wanted in my life is to be happy, and to be that way for the rest of my life. So if I have to keep loving over and over and over until I finally find the right one, then I will because I'm not taking the chance of not knowing because i didn't try. So think what you want, but I'm happy with me and my life, and if you're not...well I hope you find it.

I Want To...

I Want To...

..spend every day with you and every year

...go to the circus and buy ice cream on a hot day

...cuddle under a blanket when its cold

...feel your kiss each morning and at night before bed

...be lazy and watch movies, spilling popcorn in your lap

...laugh hysterically at nothing, and cry with you when you're sad.



I Want To...

...watch the sun rise in a place far away, in a world of our own that never will fade

...love you each moment and be sure that you know, you are my everything, together we'll grow

...walk through a park holding your hand, while children squeal and dance in the sand

...let my heart sing the most beautiful song, only to you and forever I'll hold



I Want To...

...watch our lives grow and blend in a way, that only two soulmates could ever know

...grow old and gray and on that day, when the light seems to fade, look to my side and see you on my wing

...we watched the sun rise and will now watch it set, on our home, and our life, and the purest love yet.