What Is a Place-Pre-Write

So as I'm sure you all know, we have an essay due on Monday. It's supposed to be about a place, personal or not. It could be a place you haven't even been to but have always wanted to know more about. This is my pre-writing to get some ideas for that because really, I have many. The first thing that pops into my head is of course my hometown of Conway, here in Missouri. It's a tiny little town where "everyone knows your name" and sometimes they even know what you did on Friday night before you do. There were alot of good and bad memories growing up there, all of which created who I am today. Took me a while to get here, as alot of those things were pretty traumatic for any teen, but were also very character-building. I know there would be alot of things I could find out about it and definitely end up with many pages, but I'm afraid they wouldn't be as interesting words to you as they are to me. Another place I think of is a place that my family once went on vacation to and it ended up in near tragedy. There was a flash flood and I thought my brother was dead, but I think he's writing about that in another class so it's out of the picture. San Antonio and my first trip there to see the Gulf of Mexico flashes in my memories, as that was my first clue I was unhappy in my marriage at the time. We were there on our one year anniversary, so yet again, pretty personal and probably not much fun to hear about. I have always wanted to go to Ireland, it's my number one dream destination. However, there's a guy in our class who absolutely lives and breathes Ireland, so I'm sure he'll write about that and I wouldn't want to torture our teacher with the same place twice. So, I think I have decided on my second dream destination, New Zealand. There aren't any bad memories there, only the good ones I hope will be established there one day, and there's plenty to research as well. Besides, who wouldn't want to write about all the possibilities and history of such a gorgeous piece of land?

Sadie-Amazing Dog Tricks

So as I have said before, I have a completely amazing dog. She is so smart sometimes it just bewilders me. Today being a beautiful day, I went to the store to restock my children's outdoor toys, and in the mess of goodies I ended up with bubbles, frilly wands the wave in the wind, a bouncy ball, a ball and bat, and a frisbee. I didn't really think my kids would be old enough quite yet to learn, but thought it might give my boyfriend and I something to do at the park while the kids play. Of course, I was proved wrong, as my kids took a huge interest in it and learned very quickly how to throw it, and even catch about every other one I tossed their way. Even more amazingly, as I taught my kids this simple but fun sport I heard my dog barking behind me every time we threw it. She wanted the frisbee. She already speaks, and sits, and plays fetch with a tennis ball, so I thought to myself..."How would you teach a dog to play frisbee?" I came inside and quickly looked up different techniques on the internet, most of them being pretty much the same. 1. Introduce the frisbee by playing tug of war with it, always letting the dog win. 2. Roll it along the ground and reward her when she chases it. 3. Once she gets the hang of doing that command her to bring it back. 4. Start tossing it up or holding it high off the ground to get her to jump for it and reward her. 5. Start throwing short tosses to get her to grab it out of the air, now that it's a favorite toy. Now this process is supposed to take place over the course of a few days. I'm proud to say that after about 20 minutes of playing with it, she's already retrieving it and "trying" to catch it in the air. She hasn't quite succeeded yet, but not for lack of trying. I'm just amazed that she's even jumping for it already and gets the concept. I can't wait to spend the weekend teaching her and I think she'll be a pro in no time!

Soul Food

I guess I've heard the term all my life and I vaguely remember watching a movie about it, but I never really understood until recently. Like I've said before, I've been kind of living my life the last few years on auto-pilot. I had started to forget to look at all the little things and didn't really see beyond what was right in front of my face. I was so deep down in my own despair of feeling like a part of my life was missing, regardless of a husband or children, and trying to figure out what it was started to rule over the things I had in my life everyday. I finally have figured out that what was missing in my life was me. The real me. I had forgotten who I was and what I liked to do, things I enjoyed for fun, and most of all my creativity. Now that I'm gaining that back, my eyes have opened in ways that I used to look at life when I was younger, before "real life" started. One thing I started thinking about tonight was soul food. My family has always been big on having a get together just about every week and cooking up some food of some kind. If it's a game day, the food just consists of a bunch of homemade snacks to munch on throughout the day. Usually nothing fancy, but keeps our bellies full and content. Other times of course we go all out and get out the fine china and silver and spotless glasses. Still other times it's paper plates and barbecue. Tonight was one of the latter ones. Steak, shrimp, red and green peppers, and onions on a skewer for the grill, along with fried potatoes and onions, butter and garlic sauteed frog legs and of course; hot dogs and chips for the kiddos. As I sat savoring every bite I looked around my mother's kitchen at everyone else laughing and joking and talking about how the food was amazing but could have used a little more salt. I realized then, THIS is the meaning of soul food. It doesn't matter how fancy or easy it may be or what kind of dishes you use. It doesn't even matter if it's an old family recipe or a brand new one that may become a family tradition in the future. The point is that the food brings us together and it's something for us all to enjoy. Those are the times I will always remember when I'm old. The times we gathered to enjoy a dinner or barbecue, because along with that comes the games, the laughter, the kids, the love, and the story telling.

Baaaad Habits

My resolution this year was to get healthier. So far, I haven't done much of that as usual but I suddenly find myself taking it one step at a time. The first thing I'm working on is alcohol. I enjoy my beer normally a couple times a week, but quite honestly, I just can't afford it anymore, and it seems like trouble always follows it, even if it's not me causing the trouble. I've just decided to stop, except maybe your occasional social get together, which only happens for me once every few months. So this has been easy enough to do for me and I haven't even had a craving for one in a couple of weeks. Along with the drinking comes the smoking and I thought I'd try it cold-turkey this week. Yeah, not working out so well. Over the last few years I've tried everything from hypnosis to prescriptions and none worked. So I'm doing it my way and I'm just gonna have to discipline slowly day by day until I'm down to none. I know that it's a health hazard, I'm not dumb, but for me it's more of an immediate concern since I do already have a condition that could be helped by quitting. For some reason this is my crutch and it just doesn't want to let go. I don't even like them anymore, and I feel horrible every day when I wake up. I don't like being attached to something so much because it makes me feel weak, but like I said, it just won't let go and I can't either. So slowly but surely, I'll get it done. The next cold-turkey stop is going to be Mt. Dew and I'm starting today. I know soda is the biggest reason for my weight gain since I'm downing up to 7 of them a day now. Not only is soda bad, but Mt. Dew is the worst of them all. This one won't be too bad I think, I can replace it with something else caffeine free first and then wean off the sugar part totally. I'm excited and hoping this will work, so I'll keep you updated!

Venting

Let me just start with AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! There, I feel a little better, but I'm gonna keep going. Sometimes I just don't understand men at all. When it comes to finances, taking care of business getting all those little things done that are really just technicalities, I'm good at it. I've learned to have to do it all by myself for the last 10 years, despite being married most of that time. One husband was too lazy to do it himself, and the other was just gone working all the time, so it was left to me. My boyfriend has decided to take the hardest road possible in getting his new car licensed when I know exactly what needs to be done, and I can show him how to do it so he knows from now on. I don't plan on doing it for him, but I don't mind to help. He tells me instead, it's ok, I dont' want you doing it all for me, I want to do it alone. So instead he's going to get his mom to do certain portions of it, and his Aunt to do the others. He doesn't have a clue which documents he needs, how to fill them out or anything. My point being, he's NOT doing it alone! He's still getting help from someone else, just not me! If I were to do it, at least I would be teaching him instead of doing it for him like they all have for years. So he's going to get the same result, but after alot more work, driving, time and OTHER people going out of their way to help him. I just don't understand at all and it's soooo frustrating! On top of that, my ex-husband is doing the same damn thing to me! We had a problem with our child support case a couple months ago and I have been patiently waiting for him to get it resolved. He keeps coming up with different things that different people are telling him when he suupposedly calls. So, finally I called myself. I was given a very easy option for him and myself too, since we always get along and work things out. I called to tell him this and his response was, well I'll call them next week and talk to them about it because they told me not to do that. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's easy dumbass! Just gimme the money, and I go sign an affadavit saying you did! Easy as that! I don't understand where the problem is. Instead, it sounds like he would rather send it in to the state, and risk that the payment gets split up again between myself and his other children's mom, and it's not even her money! That's where this whole thing started to begin with so why would you wanna do that again? I don't understand, that's all I can think of and I know I keep saying it, but it just doesn't make sense. Any of it. Do all men just think that we're retarded and don't know how to take care of business? I mean it's because of him that I had to learn how to do all this crap in the first place, I was dealing with his child support problems with his ex FOR him when we were married! You'd think I'd know a little bit about it. I could sit here all day and give all the tiny details, but that would be too long. I just wanted to vent, and I'm not really sure that I feel any better, but what the hey, it was worth a try.

Little Things

Tonite, my boyfriend and I had our first "argument". I wouldn't really even call it that, but we get along so well, that this is the only thing that has happened that could be considered that. It really consisted of me having a "female moment" which I don't have very many of. I'm not a typical bitchy, whiny, spoiled woman that blames everything on my period and takes advantage of that fact to be mean to other people. I just don't do it. I'm more of a tomboy and love alot of guy type things. I don't like shopping at all, but I love cars, racing, football, video games, and hunting. So anyway, this little disagreement was about me being hurt over something very silly, but that meant alot to me. There are alot of things I have always wanted to do or try and experience together with men in my past, and never had anyone that would do them. This is the first time I have someone so similar to me that I can enjoy these little things together with him for the first time. We realized the other day that Wal-Mart now serves fresh sushi daily in the deli. Having been enjoying sushi with someone finally, we talked about trying it sometime and were just amazed that a deli would have it. One of those silly little "first moment" things you look forward to. Well, on Monday's Sonny stays at his place, just to get a break and some "guy time", plus he's so busy cashing his paycheck and paying bills, that it would be really late by the time he drove to my house in the boondocks. Every other night of the week we are together. So tonight he goes to wal-mart and can't resist this urge to try the sushi. I got upset because I was hurt that he would try it for the first time without me, but in his defense, I guess I never really told him how much I was looking forward to it. It just made me feel forgotten as I sit here missing him and doing absolutely nothing special at all, and there he is in town, enjoying the sushi we were supposed to try together. The example I gave him was that I wait to watch movies he wants to see, until I can watch them with him. Otherwise, I could sit here all day and order them on ppv, but I don't. I wait. I wait because it makes it even more special when we have the chance to watch them and cuddle on the couch together and share our thoughts about it afterwards. I guess I just enjoy the little things more than most people are used to. They mean alot to me, because those are the things I remember, little quirks and silly things and first times. I suppose if this is all we're going to have a disagreement about though, then that's not too shabby. I love him still, and will love him always, and yes, in case you're wondering....I did apologize. (but so did he:O )

Old Souls

I know alot of people don't think this kind of thing is true, but I've seen too many things that just convince me of reincarnation. Some people may tell you that a dog's nature for instance, is in his blood and you can't change the demeanor they are meant to have. I completely disagree. First of all, if you're going to put a technical aspect on it like that, it would be more to the effect of depending on how the animal is raised, how much love, appreciation and attention they are given. You teach a dog to bite it will bite, but until that day, I really don't think it's just in their DNA to do so. Did you know that the highest number of dog bites reported every year are from Cocker Spaniel's? Yup, that's right, cute, short curly haired cocker's. So maybe it does have a little to do with it, but I happen to think the reason for that is that cocker's are very loyal, protective dogs and love their owner's to death. Therefore, they probably bite more to protect them. I have a dog (Sadie) that is only a year old, and acts much older than her age. She is smart, calm (most of the time), loyal, and just amazing all around. When I look in her eyes, it's like I can see a person in there. She has her very own personality and will definitely let you know what she wants specifically, even talking to me in a way with a few low grumbles. I see an old person in her, like she's seen more in this world than I have. A good comparison to this is my brother's tiny little ankle biting thing (Athena). I can't even rember what breed at the moment. Anyway, for the longest time I just got nothing but annoyed with this dog because she's constantly hyper, seems to have no personality, and is always in my face, even though she knows I don't like her. I realized one day that if my dog can be an obedient, relaxed loving dog, much like an older person; then Athena must be a little kid in a dog's body! That's why she's hyper, always wants my attention even when I don't wanna give it, and really has no personality yet other than chewing on her squeak toy. It's because if she really is a child reincarnated, then all of those things fit. So, now we have a certain connection and believe it or not, she acts completely different around me. She stopped jumping up in my face, and instead comes to cuddle. She doesn't jump around all over the place or yip yap like crazy either. It's like she now knows I've realized I'm the parent and she's the kid, and she'd better behave. My boyfriend has two cats (Phoenix and Gizmo) and they are the same way. They're not your typical lazy, grumpy cats that hide all the time, but instead they are very smart and love attention. They talk to him and play games, yes I said play games. I'm talking about a cat that will fetch a hair tie when you throw it or nerf darts when you shoot them down the hallway. Not just going and finding them and then sit to play, but retrieve them like a dog and bring them back to be thrown again! I've never seen anything like it. I really do believe in this, and if you're skeptical, just think about it and maybe pay attention the next time you have a chance. Look at your pet, and think about their demeanor compared to another animal.

Easter

So, I'm taking the easy way out in using Easter as something to write about today, since I seem to have a lack of imagination the last few days. I know sometimes these slumps hit, but they're hard to get out of. My oldest daughter's birthday is tomorrow, and we celebrated it yesterday on Easter. It actually turned out to be a fairly good idea, doing Easter and birthday party at the same time. I mean how many kids get to hunt for dozens of eggs filled with candy and all kinds of things they shouldn't have for a birthday party? It takes away that same old same old feeling of princess cakes and pinata's. My daughter loves Easter, it's one of her favorite holiday's and she even chose to have a cake that was themed green and yellow, topped with plastics rings to wear of bunnies and eggs. We played pin the tail on the donkey, which I'm beginning to think alot of kids these days know nothing about, and we got clown balloons to make animals and party hats out of. On top of that, the kids started using their own ideas for game playing. My oldest niece came up with a couple of games I had forgotten about using the eggs. One was rolling it across the floor with your nose in a race to the other side, and the other one was holding it on a spoon with your mouth and walking to the other side without dropping it. Eventually my mother's box of dress up clothes came out and they all decided to get on "fancy clothes" for the party. It was an amazing day and I think her best birthday yet. I was worried when I first started planning it because I didn't have much money to spend, but in the end it didn't matter and I was more satisfied than ever with how much fun the kids had. I always do try not to focus on money and material things, but once in a great while it's nice to be able to do that, and this was one of those times I had wanted to. Since this is her first year in school, and hearing her come home talking about other kids' parties and where they were going for them, or what they're getting for their gifts, I was worried she would be disappointed with the way we throw parties. It fills my heart up to know that she had just as much fun as any other year. I think I just may have the smartest, most loving, insightful, gifted and understanding child in the whole world and I'm more proud of her than I ever thought I could be.

ICW, What are You Passionate About?

I am passionate about my life. By "life" I mean my children and immediate family. There are alot of things from my childhood I am still dealing with as an adult, and I always swore to myself that I would try to fix those things I was unhappy with when I had children. These things may not mean much to someone else, or seem silly to another parent, maybe even lax, but they were important to me then and I'm just going to assume they will be important to my kids too. I love children, and always have which is why I finally decided to change my major to early childhood development. There are certain things that no college can teach you, but it certianly can't hurt having a little bit of science behind the thinking and teaching of children. If there's one thing I can do different to help a kid that I didn't think of before, I hope I learn it here. I can't wait for next semester to really start getting into the classes that pertain to that field, since right now, I'm only getting my prerequisites out of the way. I do like however, that they are getting my brain "warmed up" for the real stuff. Since I've been out of school for so long, I think I kinda got in a funk and went on auto-pilot for many years. It feels good to get away from my everyday life, come to school, and learn something new. Sometimes even just getting another point of view from different people than what I'm used to hearing, or even a subject brought up that I probably wouldn't have caught myself thinking about before. I feel like all of these things combined are making me a happier, more intelligent, and satisfied person and in return that will show to my kids and family. So maybe if it rubs off on just one other person, it will slowly start to infect us all. So, in short, What am I passionate about? My family, friends, learning, and self-improvement.