The Circus!

Ok, so most of the time, I feel like my life is a circus. As the definition of "circus" in the way most people think of it, crazy. I myself have never been to one, until yesterday. It was simply amazing, some of the things these people can do! The woman in the photo above is a contortionist. In case it's hard to see, I'll describe her current pose for you. On the table, there is a stand with a mouthpiece on it, which she is of course holding with her teeth. Her rear end is basically resting on top of her head, with her legs outstretched and she is swinging a hoop in each hand. That's right, she not hanging on with anything but her teeth! The things the human body is capable of.... Anyway, this was an amazing adventure for me since I had never been before and I got to take my children too. I can only imagine what was going through their heads as they watched, when I think about what was going through mine. The colors were bright and cheerful, lots of sparkles and glowing lights made the place another world all it's own. The talent of the animals was out of this world. To see a tiger walk a tight rope, and a small puppy in an elephant suit pretend he was a wind-up stuffed animal is just something I thought I'd never see. They all seemed to be very well taken care of, not skinny, or sick or unhappy at all, but rather like they enjoyed their jobs and had fun with it. I saw flying trapeze artists do unthinkable flips in the air and trust in their partner to catch them, and Cirque De Sole type artists do impossible poses hanging from a rope in mid-air. One couple, a man and a woman, didn't do any swinging through the air, but instead a sequence of very precise, difficult poses with each other hanging from a rope and a handle. One of the best included him hanging by the handle, holding on with his hands, and her upside down, hanging from his feet by holding on with her feet...only...no hands! I can't even fathom having the strength in my ankles to do that! Anyway, point being, I said in the beginning, I thought my life was like a circus, crazy. I have found in fact now, that it's just normal and that the circus isn't crazy at all, but is the exact opposite. These people are very precise, talented, strong individuals that must practice for hours a day and years on end to get it just right.

A-Z Poem

I had a little trouble trying to come up with something to write about, so I took advantage of one of the writing prompters on the classroom website. This sounded interesting, the instructions simply saying write a poem with each line starting with the letters of the alphabet. This isn't about anyone in particular at all, I just started with A and kept going. I'm actually surprised how it turned out, not half bad! It was alot of fun, and I would suggest doing it to anyone, you never know how it will turn out, or what story you will create!

All the days she sat to wonder
By my side who'll sit and ponder
Causing all her pain to subside
Dealing with the long, long ride

Every day is much much better
Faith and love make rosy cheeks wetter
Going down the rabbit hole
Hiding all those selfish goals

Inventing new worlds
Just to escape in
Kaitlin gazes with amazement
Low and high the joys of improvement

Many times feeling lost
Not alone but at what cost
Over time and space she goes
Pleasing others as she grows

Quietly she realizes
Restless days are not such prizes
Solemnly for herself she wishes
To have the time she needs for dishes

Unexplained she disappears
Valiantly persuing a new career
Wanting only happiness
X is the ingredient she needs for this

Yearning to find it this other path
Zeal overcomes the aftermath.

How I Spell Relief

So have you ever had one of those things hanging over your head for months on end? Something you have thought about every day that will make a huge impact on your life? Well, I've had one of those ever since I decided to enroll here at OTC. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know that I made a hurried decision back in December to up and quit my job, move, and start a new beginning and new direction in my life. I didn't really know what that direction was, just that I needed to be doing something else and improve my life. I needed to be finding something that would make me stable and secure, not only for myself, but that would be long-lasting and support my children too. Therefore, when I enrolled in a hurry, just 3 weeks before the deadline, I picked the first thing that jumped out at me, and almost out of habit, since I had been in the healthcare field for so long. I chose Physical Therapy Assistant as my major just to get in and wasn't quite sure it would last. I've had reservations about what the classes were going to consist of and if I would be able to handle them. Physical Therapy is something I've always been interested in because I am so active and athletic myself. The thought of helping people to be physical again after an injury appealed to me. Other things that didn't appeal to me about it were: working under someone else's rule (yet again), following their outlines of what needs to be done with patients, set schedule each day makes family life hard as a single mom, politics of healthcare institutions sometimes are not for the better of patients. So I have doubted these things for a while. I decided to give it a go anyway, as my philosophy is " You never know til you try". Well, I'm halfway through my first semester and failing my Anatomy and Physiology class, which is the only one I'm taking at the moment that I will need for that degree. I blogged before about thinking of changing my major, and I'm proud to say that as of ten minutes ago I did it. I changed to Early Childhood Development. The pro's of this are complete opposites of the con's I mentioned before with being a PTA. I can set my own hours, own a business, no politics to deal with but the ones I create, and the money is still good. I still get to care for people the way I love to do and feel a need inside me that it's what I'm meant to do, it's just that it's a more fun, positive, enriching, growing type of environment. I can apply what I learn in class to my every day life, and improve my own relationship with my children as well. Not that we have a bad one, but hey, you can never learn enough about being a parent and caregiver to children. They deal with alot more things in life these days at much earlier ages than what I or my parents ever did as kids. It's good to keep up with what's going on and learn new way to handle those things. If there's one career that never ends, it's being a parent.

Beautiful Days

Today is the warmest day yet I do believe! A good sign of the summer ahead. It's amazing how just a little bit of nice weather can change a person's mood. I guess being trapped inside all winter long has to take a toll on us, but we don't really notice sometimes as it slowly happens and we get grumpier by the day. Until that is, we start getting the nice ones. Suddenly you feel like getting out, being in the sun soaking up the heat and doing something simple, like just taking a walk. Everyone seems nicer for the most part, too. The lady at the gas station actually says, "Have a good day". Or maybe that road rage driver you meet every morning on your way to work takes the time to let you out in traffic. Kids are happier too, and it's here that the change is the most noticeable. Instead of bickering and tattle telling, they're saying," Hey you wanna play hide and seek outside?" There are a lot more "I love you" 's and even your loved ones might go out of their way to do something special or spend more time with you. For me personally, all of these things apply, but it also gets me thinking more in depth about things too. It's like my brain functions better with the sunshine and I take into account every tiny little thing in this world we have been given in nature and it seems like a miracle in itself. I appreciate our world more, and find myself doing small little things to try to help it. It feels good at the end of the day to realize what a life I have and how wonderful it is. Focusing on the good stuff feels so much better than thinking about the bad and those little things that stress you out, that really don't mean anything at all. All of those things seem to vanish and just disappear. I love beautiful days!

Running on Empty

Wow, the life of motherhood is amazing. My boyfriend made a comment to me yesterday that I've been thinking about ever since. He said, "You need to rest more, it's not good for you to be going non-stop. I think you sleep the least of anyone I know." At the moment I didn't think much of it, because it was spurred from him by a moment of pain from me. My teeth aren't that great and they were suddenly hurting so badly I was crying. That evening, I picked up my children from a weekend at their dad's and found that my 3 year old was suddenly sick. Last night consisted of us all trying to get to bed early, just in case I was up all night. Which, of course is what happened. I ended up spending the night on the couch with my daughter coughing and going in and out of sleep. You would think that the time she did sleep would be peaceful, but it was the exact opposite. For some odd reason, she talked in her sleep for hours on end. Not just the mumbly, incoherent whispers kind of talking, but instead it was the constant, loud, discernable type of talking to the point I couldn't sleep myself. Amazingly enough, I was of course still up at 6 am getting my oldest daughter ready for school, and preparing the sick one for the doctor. It's now 11:35 am and still going strong. I feel just fine, not really tired at all, just mentally worn out more than anything I would say. However, I have to recognize the truth in my boyfriend's statement, that I know it's not healthy to be able to run on caffeine and sugar for days on end. I have always assumed it was just part of being Supermom, no time for yourself, gotta make sure everyone else is taken care of first, so I adapted to it. Now, on days when I do have the chance for extra sleep, I find myself doing other tasks I have put off for months instead, and at the end of that day I feel an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment. Once or twice I have tried to sleep in on a weekend, but even without my children there, and no matter how late I stay up, thinking the later I'm up, the later I'll sleep...I still wake up by 9 am and then feel like half my day is gone. Not only that, but it seems to make me more lethargic if I get more than 6 or 7 hours in a night. So is it really unhealthy for me to sleep this way, if I feel worse when I sleep more? Just some food for thought...doctors way? My body's way? Hmmm

Life Through the Lense of My Camera

Photography is one of my most passionate loves in life. I take pictures sometimes of the silliest things...my feet propped up on a movie theatre chair in negative colors, my fat dog after she has just eaten a huge bowl of food, a gift someone gave me that was amazing...but to me all of these things have meaning. For me, photography is a form of expression and seeing things in a much more concentrated area. You can pick out one item from an array of things in a particular setting and focus on it. Giving it it's own meaning and a little bit of time to shine by itself, apart from everything around it. Like a single butterfly in a swarm of flowers, you can zoom in on only him and one flower, and it's like at that moment, those are the only two things that exist in this world. I get creative sometimes too, playing with angles and lighting and color effects, so some of them turn out wonderfully. I like looking back on them, because I can remember things when I look at a photo. I can remember what inspired me to take it, how I was feeling that day, where I was in my life and who was in it at the time, and sometimes even remember things and moments I may have forgotten without a quick snapshot to remind me. Important events take a big effect too; like birthdays, parties, enjoying a day at the park with my children. It's like watching them grow all over again and noticing the changes in them from month to month. Seeing your loved ones every day, sometimes you don't notice these types of things, and that is what photography does for me, helps me appreciate every day I have had with them. I was recently put in a situation where I took photos of some people in my boyfriend's family that did not want their pictures taken. I couldn't quite understand what the big deal was and got a little offended that they wanted me to delete them. The thing is, this person wasn't the only one in the photo, there were 3 other people who didn't mind at all. So in trying to capture a funny moment, I was forced to make a decision whether I honor this, and get rid of the picture, or keep it for myself and keep it private so that we could enjoy it when we wanted. I chose the latter. Is that wrong? What does it matter really, as long as the photo is kept private? I refuse not to be able to enjoy a picture that 75% of the subjects don't mind, just because of one person. On top of that, it's the back of this person, not even his face. Oh well, I guess not everyone likes having a picture of their backside taken.

Mi Familia

So I guess at one point or another in our lives we all think our families are just messed up...period. I'm coming to realize lately that mine isn't so bad after all. We all have our quirks and our little things that annoy each other, but that's just part of it, right? One thing I will give them credit for is that if I have someone in my life that means alot to me, they definitely go out of their way to make that person feel special and accepted. They take the time to ask questions and learn about them and get to know more about who they are. That person will always be invited to family functions and included in everything we do. Game day is one of my favorites, it consists of lots of very competitive, almost physical board game playing. We take this very seriously, or at least some of us do more than others. Summertime is one of my favorite times also, this time of year includes bonfires, swimming, barbecues, camping, floating...so on and so forth. If it's nice outside, we find a reason to be together and do something. I guess spending so much time together eventually leads to conflicts, but for the most part, they are coming from the heart and because we care for each other. Having recently been introduced to my boyfriends family and spending some time with them over the last few weeks, I'm realizing how many families don't do those sorts of things and how much it means to me that mine does. I feel like somewhat of an outsider, very few people taking the time to strike up a conversation with me and find out who this new girl is in their lives. It's lovely that they take the time to all come together every Sunday for lunch, but at the same time, everyone kind of roams around the house doing different things in different rooms, not really spending much time together talking about what's new and going on. I feel pretty awkward and kind of lost, not really knowing what to do with myself while I'm there most of the time, so I've tried to include myself without being invited to do so by just simply bringing the dessert every week. I'm hoping this will show I care and that I enjoy being in their lives, and possibly give a hint that I want to be included. Nobody has officially been rude or mean to me by any means, they are all very nice people, they just haven't gone out of their way like my family does to make me feel included, and I don't really know how to handle that. In time I suppose it will be better, if anything, it's definitely making me appreciate my family even more.