Down and Out

Well, haven't written in a few days, I guess I just haven't really been sure of what to say. Some days are ok, and others feel like the end of the world. I still miss Sonny, even though I really didn't think I would that much. There's another situation that isn't playing out the way I thought it would and I know what you're all going to think when you read this. Been talking to a guy I dated in high school and even went to prom with. He was my high school sweetheart. I know, I've mentioned him before and tried to play it off as friends only, but we both admit that we still have feelings for each other. The problem is, he approached me with this a few months ago and I wasn't comfortable going there yet, so that's how I ended up with Sonny. He respected that the entire time and still remained my friend. Now we have broken up, but Gordy is now engaged. He says he's thinking twice about it, and I hate myself for wishing he would end it. It just seems like it's not fair and that after 13 years we should have our chance again. The good person in me however, doesn't want anything to do with breaking another woman's heart. I have told him repeatedly to do what makes him happy because that is all I will ever want for him and I will still be here as a friend no matter what. The whole engagement seems like such a sham though! She lives in Las Vegas and he only sees her a couple times a year. He hid the engagement from family and friends only telling me and one other person. And he's admitting he has feelings for me. So tell me, what does that say to you? I don't understand if he feels the way he says, then he shouldn't be marrying someone, it's not fair to her. I can't lie, like I said part of me is screaming out to have my one shot at this amazing person that I've been trying to deny I was interested in, since I had a boyfriend at the time. The other part feels like the worst person in the world.

Final Post

Well, this will be my final required post for my English class. I hope to continue on with this blog and that I can stay disciplined to it. I may not have quite to many entries per week from now on, but I can honestly say that I like having it as an outlet. The end of this first semester is drawing near, and when it first started, I thought it would never end. Now, I can't believe I'm about to take the first finals I have ever had to do in my entire life. I'm loving this experience and I am soooo happy that I decided to finally go for it. There have been some bumps in the road along the way, but I'm learning and figuring it out. I hope this takes my life in the right direction so I can give my kids everything they will ever need or want without a struggle. I have met so many interesting people, and made a couple of friends, it will be nice to see if some of those friendships last past the end of school. I have a feeling I may see some of them around anyway, but like I said in a previous blog, some of those friendships can be hard to maintain. Good luck to all of my classmates, I hope your college career goes as well as mine seems to be, and I'm blessed to have this opportunity with you all.

ICW, What's Your Favorite Dish?

This is a very hard question for me, as I love to cook all kinds of things. Since I feel unable to pick out one, what I'm going to do is write about my favorite TYPE of food. Italian would be my favorite in that case, and I do know alot of Italian dishes that I make. From Pizza Baked Spaghetti, to Chicken Alfredo (from scratch), to Meatballs, and Lasagna. I love all Italian food. I think it's the noodles that get me, it just seems amazing that some boiled dough can taste so yummy. The spices go hand in hand with this genre and the flavor you get from any Italian dish is just incomparable to me. I love all the cheese, the sauces and spices blended in different ways, but I think what has always gotten my attention is also the way that Italians really take their food to heart. They are very proud of their recipes and the atmosphere that surrounds a dinner is the most heart warming I have found. I'm an Irish girl in my blood, but in my heart I think there is some Italian. I would love to travel there as well and see all the rolling hills and winery's, the vineyards and dirt roads that seem to go forever onward until suddenly there's a small quaint home. I love the art and the romanticism. Therefore, I of course love the food.

Most Italian food is some sort of pasta. After trying many different procedures in making sure your pasta is perfectly cooked is to add a little oil and some salt, this flavors it and keeps it from sticking. As for texture, I've found that if it's sticking to your teeth in a test bite, then it's not quite done and needs just a couple more minutes. Spices are a key ingredient for the sauces, whether it's a marinara dip, or alfredo. Alfredo sauces give a wonderfully rich taste when there's a little garlic thrown in and your standard spaghetti sauce can always use a blended Italian seasoning mixed in with it as well as some seasoned salt. Cheese is usually another key ingredient and you want to be sure you use the right kind. Mozzarella is amazing in small chunks in the middle of your meatballs, but a colby and jack mix will be best on top of a lasagna with some ricotta in the layers. You always want to be sure you pick the right type depending on what consistancy you want in the dish.

PB&J

First get the bread out of the tupperware dish in the cabinet that keeps it nice and soft, you will need two pieces. Replace the lid on the tupperware and put back in the cabinet. You will need a butter knife from the drawer to your left, and the jar of GOOBER (a mix of peanut butter and jelly in one jar) from the cabinet to your upper right. Open the jar and use the butter knife to scoop out a very large amount, and then spread over one side of one piece of the bread until it's even. Place the other piece of bread on top of the PB and J side. Now, for my kids I have a cut little sandwich cutter, which takes off the crust and cuts in in half in the shape of two hearts all at the same time. If you would like, its in the top drawer and you may use it:)

Blue Plate Monday's

Hello Blue Plate Monday participants! This is yet another remake that my kids absolutely love, and just gives spaghetti a different spin. I forget where exactly it came from, but I'm thinking Fazzoli's. You could probably substitute alot of the meat for whatever your family likes, but this is the way I do it! Enjoy.

Pizza Baked Spaghetti

1/2 lb. Italian sausage
1 pkg. pepperoni
1 pkg. canadian bacon
1/2 lb. hamburger
handful of thin spaghetti noodles
Italian flavored spaghetti sauce
16 oz. shredded cheese

brown sausage and burger. cut bacon and pepperoni in small pieces, leaving a handful uncut. mix all meat together with spaghetti sauce. mix with cooked noodles, (it works a little better if you break the noodles in half before boiling them). now mix in about 1/4 of the cheese with everything and put whole mixture into a round glass baking dish. On top sprinkle with the rest of the cheese and place whole pieces of bacon and pepperoni on top, like a pizza. Now, cover and bake at 350 for about 30 mins, remove lid and let meat on top brown slightly. Goes great with garlic cheese bread!

Friends

It's funny how life works out. We get involved and sometimes think that alot of people just don't have the time to put the effort in that it takes to keep a friendship. You may begin to think, well that's ok, we all change and for the most part we make alot of friends, but eventually move on. Over the last few months, I had begun to notice that I didn't hear from alot of my friends quite as much anymore. I completely understand, as we all have lives to live and mine especially is pretty different from theirs. Most of them don't have kids like I do, so I rarely have the chance to make time to see them, and I live so far out of Springfield, that it takes alot of planning for them to come here. It's understandable, and that's the way most of my friendships go, around for a while, gone for a while, and only one or two that make the cut for good. However, I would like to happily say, that I have been proven slightly wrong recently. In my time of need, they are there. Suddenly reappearing and trying to help keep my spirits up. Here I was, thinking I was all alone in the world, short of my family and kids, and they were paying more attention than I knew. I don't know what I would do without any of them, and the gratitude I have will last forever. I love them all, and every person who has been in my life, even if they're not still around. We all need friends like that, and I'm ecstatic that I do.

Ending and Beginnings

I saw a quote once that I loved, because it seems to be a perfect discription of how I try to live my life. It said: Every story has and end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning. I don't regret the stories in my life that have ended at all, because I know that everything happens for a reason, and each chapter just brings me closer to the end of the book. I thought I was completely in love with someone, but as they say, love is blind, and for some odd reason I couldn't see that he didn't love me the same way. Another story that has suddenly ended, and at first I thought I would just die from the pain. Two days later, here I am, still alive and kickin, and dealing much better than I thought. I know there are many opportunities for love out there, and eventually some day, maybe sooner than I think, it will find me. After realizing that he didn't feel the same and putting myself in his shoes, I realized that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want me. Also enlightening was the fact that most of the things my love for him was stemming from weren't real. So, therefore, how could I feel so strongly when they were feelings that came based from a lie? I'm keeping my chin up, and it is hard to get used to being alone again, but I have my girls keeping me smiling. They are the best medicine for heartbreak in the whole world. When I look at them I realize, that no man in this world will ever make me feel the way they do. I'm going to move on, not give up on love, and not blame the next person for someone else's mistakes. I know I have enough love inside of me to give it all to someone who will eventually not abuse it and it will be the best feeling of fulfillment in the world. There's someone out there for me, I know it. Even though at times it seems like he'll never show his face, but I can feel it out there somewhere, even though I may have never met him yet. Then again, maybe I have met him already and opportunity has not made it possible for us quite yet. Who knows...but I won't give up and I won't let rejection defeat me. Someone will love me for who I am, mistakes and all, and not judge me for them. Someone will realize that all I have ever wanted is to be completely in love and not have a doubt in my mind. That I want that person to be by my side when I'm sick, give me a hug when I cry, and holding my hand as I take my last breath of life.

Things I Love

The little things I love the most...
The little things I love the most...
-I love that I miss someone
-watching my kids play make-believe
-Sydney's laugh
-Katy's arguments
-writing
-driving in the country for no reason
-gas station pizza
-dressing up for a nice sushi dinner
-popcorn and a movie
-kissing boo boo's
-adrenaline from watching a scary movie
-hearing "Good morning, Mommy"
-saying "I love you" and meaning it
-clean kids and jammy's after a bath
-birthday's
-feeding the ducks with the girls
-sunsets
-sunrises in the summer at the lake
-my refrigerator covered in children's drawings
-going for a ride in a hot car
-laughing
-crying
-getting a txt msg that just says "I miss you"
-poems
-irony
-cuddling on the couch
-proving a point
-reading a fairy tale book with a perfect ending
-Disney movies
-BBQ's
-listening to my girls have a real discussion from outside the room
-the way my dog thinks she can talk to me
-my cat AJ's loyalty through thick and thin
-my life
-thunderstorms
-cooking
-music
-thinking about things I don't have the answer to
-putting a smile on someone else's face
-answering "Are we there yet?"
-surprises
-flowers for no reason
-love songs
-walks
-goodnight kisses
-holding hands
-pictures
-when my kids outgrow their shoes
-winter clothes
-floating on the river in the hot summer sun
-camp fires
-fairies
-dragonflies
-laying on the cool grass on a hot summer night and looking at the stars
.....I could go on forever, but these are just a few