Ahhhhh!

I don't really know what i'm going to say here, I just know I need to get it out. What a difference a couple days can make. I have been so positive, and looking forward, and feeling strong w/controlling my life, but now once again it seems life is happening to me with no control over it, no matter how pure my intentions and actions are. I may be forced to give up my best friend in the whole world....the only friend who has really ever stuck by me and completes the other half of my brain when I don't know what I'm thinking. She always knows what to say, or has an insight to a situation that I'm unsure of. It's like she knows what I'm thinking or feeling before I do. Because of an outside situation that has absolutely nothing to do with us getting along, it's causing her problems in her life that I refuse to be the cause of. It's kind of a funny thing, I was raised that family always comes first, but what if that family is being unreasonable, dense, hateful, childish and just disrespectful period? We love each other like sisters, and she has been forced to defend me against her family over lies and assumptions that are completely untrue. Thus of course causing a family feud. I do not want to be the cause of Nina's pain in dealing with her family this way, but on the other hand, why should we have to give each other up because they can't be adults? I tell myself the easiest thing for her is to just remove myself from the situation, maybe I was only meant to have her in my life for this portion, and now it has to end for her life to move forward....I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything! It's not fair to meet one or two people that you feel you are connected with in ways you never have been before and then POOF! Sorry, just not the right time, or here's a teaser, get to love this person and then I'm taking them away...I don't get it. How does that do us any good? I mean I know I will always have learned something and gained something from knowing these people, but why does that growth have to stop? Why does it have to end? I'm so tired and worn out from pain and then happiness and then pain...why can't I just keep that happiness when I have done absolutely nothing at all to end it? It's not by my choice that I want these relationships to end, I want them to stay just the way they are, and continue to grow and learn. I just love everyone so much, and it seems like every person I love is being taken away from me. Maybe not right now immediately this second, but I can feel it coming...slowly but surely. and I don't know what to do. Do I fight it? Do I fight to keep these people in my life? Or do I just let it happen and deal with the pain? Ahhh! I could just scream at the top of my lungs!